Summer....

Summer....I'm an adult...what is summer to me anyway? It's not like I get a summer vacation. Not like I look forward to a break from school work. Not like I'm going to camp....Except for the fact that my alarm can go off an hour later than usual, not much else seems different.

My kids are all home for the summer. My oldest, back after his first year at college. My middle, not working, like he did last summer. My youngest, anticipating high school. It's not like they need me around. I'm not arranging any play dates or dropping them at any nifty day camps. (Eight years ago I enrolled them all in Shakespeare camp. They were totally game. My daughter, several years under the minimum age, held her own. An impressed counselor, on summer break from the drama program at Yale, told her she should become a costume designer. Something about that camp really seemed like summer....Shakespeare performed by children in a WPA park, with its small outdoor theater....In my fantasies, it seems the quintessential summer experience....)

This summer I meant to help each of the kids get a job. Months ago, in vain attempt to plan ahead for success, I told them all, "You need to get a job this summer...." We did a little brainstorming -- but I guess that's all we did....A friend asked today about the kids and I told her the kids wanted to work this summer. She emailed back: "This summer" -- it IS this summer....Ooops, she's right: this summer is full upon us....I might have to give up on the idea that they'll earn money and/or be productive before school starts up again in the fall.

Trying to broaden the scope beyond mere, practical capitalism, I've also talked to each of them, individually, about accomplishing anything at all this summer. (I even gave an example, "Is there anything you want to do this summer? Not only working...but also...like if you wanted to set a goal to get outside for at least a half hour each day....") In my daughter-of-a-Marine kind of way, I didn't want the months to evaporate without some goal set and effectuated....

As for me, I thought that I'd work every minute before they get out of bed. And I have tried a bit of work here and there. But I am finding that my work is sandwiched in between making them breakfast -- peaches from the farmer's market are an irresistible centerpiece for them to eat and me to offer -- washing dishes, taking them on errands...and...well, talking to them....

Trying to stick to my plan, keep up my work ethic, I found myself leaving their smiling and relaxed company to steal upstairs, to stare determinedly into my computer screen, to escape the sound of their music, to be just out of reach of their voices....And then...it dawned on me: This IS summer.

It happened while I was in my room working. My sunny yard beckoned outside my window. I took a break just so that I could go outside. I found myself, (to escape the pull of my computer), cleaning up dog poop and spraying off the side yard (yes, using precious water in the process). Anything to stay outside, in the summer weather. And when I finished my task, I gave in to irresistible temptation and lowered my now heavy body onto the chaise lounge and closed my eyes for five minutes. My oldest son wandered out and we talked about his adjustment from college life to returning home for the summer. We examined the tomatoes growing in the barrel and tried to out-guess each other as to when they'll ripen. Later my sixteen year old asked if friends could stop by and he entertained two boys in his room, strumming on the guitar and playing Scrabble on the computer. When his friends departed, he actually asked for my suggestions for a five letter word, starting with the letter "i." At bedtime, my daughter asked, (thinking that I'd decline for certain), if I wanted to play cards. We played a couple of games of rummy, on a deck we'd gotten years ago on the ferry up to Victoria....When we grew sleepy, we planned to play more games tomorrow....

I think I get it now: This IS summer....This is the time my kids are here. Relaxed. Talkative. Not needing anything too desperately. Just existing in the warm sun and cool breezes of our summer....

So that's it....I have tried to teach my children something about goal setting and accomplishment and in very understated fashion, they have taught me something about relaxing and letting go. It took me three days to write this short piece. First there were the vague thoughts, coming slowly into focus. The realization that it is so difficult to get something done when gravity is pulling one onto the chaise lounge....Next came the interrupted attempts to turn on my computer and formulate words....And I think I'll have to omit the last step -- no time to read over what I've written, because my daughter asked me to wake her at 10:00 and I'm already thirty minutes behind schedule....

Enjoy your summer days.....